It's been a while since I tossed and turn for hours before falling asleep. I thought I would sleep in this morning but instead, I woke up earlier than usual. Thanks to insomnia, I came across an information that I didn't know what to do about (I dug my own grave on this one). Times like this, I really wish I could have had enough self control because it's true - ignorance IS bliss.

There are a million things in this world that is beyond our control. None of it really matters unless you're involved or affected by it. This piece of information has taken away my productivity and focus the entire day, and it has caused me so much anxiety. I wish there was something I could do about it, but unfortunately, this is one of the situations where it's completely out of my control.

When I'm in a position like this, insecurities creep back into my life. I'm not someone who has high self-confidence to begin with. Being able to take control of things help me stay grounded, but when I can't, my emotions and mental state gets the better of me.

Being insecure is pure torture. It's draining for yourself and whoever that's on the receiving end especially if it keeps happening again and again. All this while, I blame it on others for the way I feel because it's like the consequence of someone else's action. Also it didn't help that I've came across so many articles that always implies that the root of insecurities that we feel is caused by someone else.

While that's true to a certain extend, but what happens if that 'someone' is a person from the past? Or like in my case, I'm feeling insecure because I brought that to myself.

There's a saying that goes "don't let your past ruin something beautiful", and I agree. But for that to happen, one must be able to trust that the present is nothing like the past. And that's where I'm stuck. I lack faith, and all I could think of are how things are not going to be okay.

I began to reflect and wonder, what if the root of our own insecurities come from our own unresolved matters. Instead of fixing ourselves, we unintentionally punish the ones who care the most, and they end up paying the price for something someone else did. One thing that I've learnt from therapy is to find the root to why we feel or think the way we do - even if it's something traumatic or hurtful.

Growing up, I've been betrayed and belittled countless of times. I felt like whatever little confidence that was left in me was stripped away. It was such a tough journey getting back up, and I'm still trying everyday. I know the cause of my insecurities and it has nothing to do with people in my present life. While being mindful about that, I try my best not to hurt others with a 'problem' that I have, but I end up suffering alone, in my thoughts.

Today has made me realised that nobody can help me overcome this but myself. I needed a direction, something to tell me that my hunch was right - that it's possible to be insecure because of ourselves. And I found this article. It felt like it was written based on my life.

For once, I'm so done with myself. I'm tired of being and feeling this way, and it's time to drop my past baggage completely. I know I won't bounce back right away, but things have got to start changing, and it starts with me.

And I need to learn to trust, and have faith. Even if things really doesn't work out, I need to have faith that it's alright.

Sincerely, Mels

Hey guys. Guess who's back! It has definitely been a while since I wrote and there's no better time to come back. If you've yet to know (unless you're a Malaysian and you don't know this, I don't know what to say), Malaysia is currently under a Movement Control Order due to the Covid-19 outbreak. It was initially just for 14 days, and it recently got extended for another 2 weeks. Which means, we are all just gonna be stuck at home and most of us are already going a bit nuts with the boredom that we've been facing daily.

As for me, my company has been working from home since almost 2 weeks ago. It's not THAT common for us here to get to work from home on a regular basis, so we were all definitely excited initially about this new arrangement. For all of us who have been wishing to work from home finally got a full taste of how it would be like! And for once in 2.5 years I'm actually utilising the desk in my room for proper work and not storage purposes 😅

While I was taking a break from work one day, it just came into my mind that it would be fun to write about this! So, here's a POV from a girl who finally got to experience what it's like working from home and the best things about it!

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1. Basic strokes practices
2. 'X-height', ascending & descending letters
3. Lettering styles
4. Baselining your letters
5. Brush pens comparison
6. Faux Calligraphy 

1. Difference of cursive and calligraphy
2. Calligraphy Paper
3. Understanding calligraphy strokes
4. How letters are form by different calligraphy strokes

1. Demonstration of the different types of calligraphy strokes to practice

1. Do not letter too fast / too slow; set a comfortable pace
2. Lifting up the pen after every letter / stroke
3. How to care for your brush pen / using the correct materials
4. Practice makes perfect
5. Do not compare your work with others

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1. Light / thin upstrokes, heavy / thick downstrokes.
2. Find a comfortable position to hold your pen and practice your lettering with the same position.
3. To practice on strokes and individual alphabets first, before / rather than diving straight into writing a whole word / sentence. 
4. Lift your pen after every stroke and letter. They appear to stick to each other from exit / upward stroke, and not from 'one touch / one line'. 
5. Do not rush when you're lettering! Calligraphy takes time and patience. They only appear fast in videos because they're edited / sped up.
6. When you're practicing on worksheets, do not simply just trace them. Recognize the pressure and pattern, and try it on your own without tracing. 
7. Practice makes perfect!

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