Making this decision was conflicting in so many ways. I wanted to stay, but I had to go. I was comfortable in an environment that has been my constant for the past two and a half years. Moving from a job that you're doing so well requires a different level of courage, and I did that.
When I first tendered my resignation, nothing felt real. I had about 2 months left in the company but during that period of time, it didn't feel at all that I was going to leave the place soon. It's only natural for me to still give my best because I'm not someone who does things half-heartedly - no matter the situation.
As my last day drew nearer, I started feeling anxious all over again because things were getting really real. I was leaving for real. And I dreaded the anxiety that I knew that was going to come back. I've not felt so anxious since my advertising days, and it feels like I'm back to square one. But it was my decision.
Up till today, I have about 10 more days before embarking on my new journey, I still wonder if I made the right decision. I stay up at night and wake up early in the morning think about it. What if it's a wrong decision? What if I get thrown in a worse environment? And the list goes on and on. But at the same time, I know there's no chance for someone in her mid-twenties to decide to stay with a company for the rest of her life. This change had to come sooner or later, and it just happens to be now.
It was a decision between staying in my comfort zone, keeping my anxieties at bay vs chasing what I want and what I think I deserve. It was a tough call but I'm well on my way towards the decision I've chosen. And it's happening really soon with or without my dear friend, anxiety. So, I've been drowning myself with hours of Sims and thank God for Disney+ that's finally in Malaysia!
The past 2.5 years had taught me so much. It has toughen me up personally and professionally, opened my eyes to the real world, picked up skills that I never knew existed and most importantly, the importance of self-upskilling to keep moving forward. I've made so many friendships along the way, and I think that is what I will miss the most. It's like we're a little family over there, and I'm not so sure if I'll ever get that again elsewhere.
My younger self would never have imagined for myself to work with a floral company for 2.5 years, but I did. And it was a pit stop in life that I'll never have it any other way.
Here's to the next chapter!
